Seriously, what happened? Wasn't it just Christmas? Who stole the month from me? I'm looking at *you*!

End of January/start of February means the end of the semester for me, which means... exam time! Not fun. In fact, instead of writing this post, I should rather be studying. However, I'm slacking off a little in that department. *coughs* Today, I have another presentation, that seals the grade for one of my modules. I seriously can't wait for the semester to be over. Aside from two or so modules, I only had really crap ones... and I hope that next semester things will be different.

Writing related, I'm pushing through revisions of Pina 1.0. No, actually I'm *crawling*. There's a lot of things to consider, decisions to make, things to strengthen and tighten and rewrite. While doing that, I've read a lot about revisions and self editing on the net, which is a tremendous help. Yay internet! Don't get me started on the garbage words I put into my manuscript. It's ugly. I hope that soon (in a few weeks) my revisions will be done and I'll have a stronger book.

Anyway, gotta get ready for uni!

I'm having severe issues trying to decide on a POV to use in my angel book. The whole thing is currently written in third person limited. I've started revising the first chapter and in the middle of it, I had to add a new paragraph of prose. Without thinking, I wrote it in first person POV. It flowed well. From the writing perspective maybe better than the other POV, because many details that weren't there before came out. From the reading perspective? I don't know. Is Pina's voice better and more authentic? I can't really tell.

I'm confused, because as of one or two years ago, I didn't particularly like that POV, not reading, nor writing. I couldn't seem to get into the story, even if first person is supposed to be the one that makes you delve the deepest into it. I've read a couple of books over the time - mostly YA ones - where it was used VERY well and I suppose that swayed my opinion and somehow influenced my subconscious to try it also.

Technically both POVs are possible. I don't plan on writing about another character (at least in this book), so the whole story is restricted to her view anyway.

In my dilemma, I've googled to find a few descriptions of the different POVs, in the hopes of finding an answer. Three of them (one, two, three), seemed a little helpful, but at the end of every one of them, I changed my opinion again. So what to do?

As usual while writing, there are so many things to consider, so many possibilities, which is as liberating as it is frightening. Despite the very right points in all of the articles up there, I don't think there is a logical explanation which POV to go for in most cases. Obviously, if you switch a lot between characters, first POV is a no-no, unless you want a muddled mess. In the end, you have to go with your instinct on what you feel like is better. If only that were so easy. Though the good things never are. ;-)

So, while I torture myself with more what-ifs. Which POV do you like better... and why?

Last week I had a presentation in uni in a much hated module of mine. Presentations aren't easy for me. I get irrationally nervous and start to drive myself crazy days or weeks before it. I think of all the things that could go wrong. My mind starts bashing at me, telling me over and over how the audience could react and that I surely can't do it. That I would fail. Technically you know it’s wrong and you shouldn’t listen, but it’s like a barrier and you can’t think any positive thoughts about the situation. There's this voice inside of your head, spreading doubt.

You go through all the things that could go wrong, all the times you could stumble. You consider running away from that big huge thing, even if it's just a 15 minute long talk in front of a handful of people. Why yes, I'm an introvert!

The problem is, while you drive yourself crazy, your heart is racing and your brain is busy thinking things that won't happen anyway, you can't be productive. You're far too focussed on other things to think about the important stuff. The fear of failing is what'll make you fail. Ironic, isn't it? Here is where you have to cut in. Take a deep breath and tell yourself to stop. Work against the bad thoughts. You can do it. Imagine a good turn out. Imagine yourself being successful. If all else fails, just turn the brain off, for a little while and do it. Don’t think about what you’re doing. Just freaking. It's not easy, put once you put yourself into a state of acceptance of the fear, you can work with it.

When I write, a similar fear comes up sometimes. You compare yourself to other authors, thinking you can never be as good as them. You think everything you produce is crap, or that you make the wrong decisions and that your story will suffer because of them. Those thoughts can freeze you and make you not produce, but only if you let them. Sit down at your computer, and tell yourself it’s okay to be crap. Even getting not-so-good words down beats not writing anything at all. Don’t think, just type, let your gut lead you. You'll have enough time to mull over what doesn't work in revisions. Right now, it's important to get those words on the page. Then a day or a week or some months later, go back and read it. Is it really crap? I think you’ll be surprised what you think about it.

And you know what comes once you got through the presentation/made the decision/wrote the book? RELIEF. Pure, joyous relief. And a little pride.
So remember, you can do anything you set your mind to.

I've never been big on New Year's resolutions, mostly, because I've been bad at sticking to them, but this year is going to be different. Why? Because I'll make it different.

Inspired by this post by Lilith Saintcrow, I am planning to take my writing more seriously. It is something that is very dear to my heart and that I've wanted to do for a while now and I realised that I've not been treating it that way. I've procrastinated, been lazy and generally haven't applied myself enough for what I want to achieve.

So here come my resolutions for 2010:

Writing
# Edit Angel book #1/ Find a damn name!
# Get the guts to submit something. The worst thing that can happen is a lot of rejections!
# Outline and write angel book #2.
# Figure out the adult story that's been attacking me since November.
# Poke Phoebe to see what we're doing with our collab! =D
# Blog twice a week.

Personal
# Continue to eat more healthily & work out = drop more pounds.
# Pass all my modules in uni, so I can change to my other course!
# Read at least 30 books this year.

Ambitious? Yes. But technically do-able, if I don't procrastinate and set myself goals and stick to them.

This week I finished my WIP, Angel book #1. It is a great big mess, but that's okay, because it's the first draft. There are many things that need to be done to improve it, but I can't wait to throw myself into the editing process and strenghten it.

My new year stars with a clean slate at least here on my blog. A new layout is in place and I've also changed my username (carolinswriting), to something that is more me. The one I had before was chosen years ago and I feel that I've grown out of it. ... expect my Twitter username to also change in the next time when I've figured out how to call myself on there.

Until then. ;-)

P.S.:

If you have a Paid or Permanent account, you can now send 10 of your non-Paid friends a $10 coupon. Your friend will be able to purchase a Paid Account for $9.95 (instead of $19.95) for one year by enrolling in our automatic payment plan or make a manual payment of $15 (instead of $25).

I still have some to give away, if you want one, comment with a request. =)

I've been so incredibly lazy in the last couple of days after NaNo, that I'm starting to irritate myself with my lack of motivatoin. Which means, I need a plan or a to-do list or something that'll keep me on track.

SO! Here we go.

Daily goals.
§ Read/study at least half an hour per day with the law book/material until the exam on February 5th.
§ Write 1 to 1.5k words on something. Anything. Doesn't matter what. Just WRITE. Even with the NaNo pressure gone.
§ Read 1 or 2 chapters of a book for fun. Then post a brief review on here, when finished. (Gotta liven this place up a bit and work through my huge to-be-read pile. :P)

Short term goals.
§ Write paper of 5 pages and prepare presentation + handouts on child poverty due to hand in on December 11th.
§ Do weird bibliography task for law til Dec 15th.
§ Read/prepare for block seminar on 16th-18th December.

*goes off to start*

This can be answered in one single word.

Writing.

I love creating characters and throwing things at them to see how they react. I get inspired by everything around me and I constantly have new ideas that I can't wait to write down. I'm still working on making the words as beautiful as the scenes look like in my head, but I do hope that at some point in my life my dream of seeing a book with my name on it in a bookshop will come true.

WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I won NaNoWriMo. I didn't think I could do it, but I wrote 50k words in 29 days. :| It's amazing. My novel is almost done as well, but still remains nameless. I'm sure in the editing process I will find a name for it though. Even though I am unsure about some parts, I do like some things in it and I didn't think that would be possible. I thought it would be all crap, but I think I can actually work with this. As of now, I am going to go to bed and sleep, then be even more celebrate-y tomorrow.

... I'm so going to try and write this consistently through December (and longer?) also and I can't wait for NaNo next year! =D

Btw, my 50,000th word was... needed. A bit common for such a meaningful word!

NaNo is going well. *points up* I've managed to do my word goal every day and write consistently, which is what I was going for. Word wars also help greatly to get to where you need to be! :D I'm now through chapter 6 and even though one of my characters turned into a jealous lunatic and another one into an obsessive control freak, I quite like the story and the way the characters are leading it. :D I hope I'll get to the conclusion and everything is semi coherent at the end of NaNo. If not December, we can edit! The most important thing is that I'm enjoying the ride and the words are coming out. I realised today that I can make the daily word count in the matter of 45 minutes. :o

Gaaaaah. Yesterday was a weird day for writing. I was slacking off and it moved really slowly and non flowy so that I had to force some things out. NOT GOOD. But that's NaNo. Anyway, I made my daily goal and that's what matters. :D Just read a funny something on NaNo's frontpage, that made me laugh, so I wanted to share. Yes, this is the point of the post.

And please remember: If you write a paragraph or chapter you don't like, just put it in italics (or change the font color to white). Do not delete! After you write your way across the 50,000-word finish line, you can double back and clip out all the parts of your book that make you cringe (I think you'll surprise yourself with what you decide to keep). For now, just keep moving forward! There's an old folk saying that goes: Whenever you delete a sentence in your NaNoWriMo novel, a NaNoWriMo angel loses its wings and plummets, screaming, to the ground.

Where it will likely require medical attention.

These are words to live by. Resist the tyranny of the delete key! Onward! Upward! To Day Three!

*tries to live by it, shoves the procrastination into the corner and WRITES*

OH! I'm excited to see Alesha Dixon tonight, I hope she'll be fun. Also a shoutout to crazyfruitlady! Congrats to passing your theory driving test. YAAAAAAAAAY! :D You did it!

First NaNo day went well! I wrote 2405 words. =D Which I'm really happy about, cause I didn't think the story would flow as well as it did last night. So far I'm quite happy with the outcome, especially with the first scene, because that's the one I dreamed and I was worried I wouldn't be able to explain it as well as it is in my head. I think it's still not as beautiful as it was there, but I'm getting there to doing it justice. Dunno if I should post the start here or not. *ponders*

Hallowhedon was fun. The guests were cool and hyper, special kudos to James Marsters who stuck through the weekend with a spinal injury. He signed while lying on a table to rest his back! He must have been in major pain. Dressing up for Halloween was fun, even if I still have the green on my skin on some places, cause it won't come off properly, LMAO Sadly Phoebe lost her camera during the party and so far no one has found it/brought it back and we're assuming it was stolen. Most of the photos we took were on that one. :( :(

I think about every transport (apart from maybe the tube and the taxi) that Phoebe and I took was delayed, which was irritating as HELL. I hope our bad luck stops after this weekend. Ohhh and Sister Act was AMAZING. :D SO cool. Funny how I loved the old nun the most. She had such a great timing when it came to comedy/irony. I couldn't stop laughing. I looooooove musicals.

Anyway, I should stop blogging and continue writing, wanna meet my goal still, before we go get Indian food at the Mango Tree tonight, because after it I will be full and tired and won't be able to be coherent, possibly, haha.

I'm doing NaNo this year. Am I crazy? Quite possibly. To win this I need to write 1.6k words a day. I'm trying to get my motivation up, but the multiple possibilities on WHAT to write are driving me CRAZY. Damn, how I hate making decisions of any kind! My biggest issue is questioning myself and doubting my writing ability and what I write though, so I'm trying to work on ignoring that inner editor of mine for a WHOLE month. Maybe longer, cause after NaNo, I wanna finish my current project with Phoebe. WE CAN DO IT! :( In case anyone wants to check it out or doesn't know what NaNo is, go here: www.nanowrimo.org Basically you write a 50k novel in 30 days with a bunch of fellow crazy writers. :D Oh and if you talk to me in November, kick me in the butt and tell me to write. I wanna finish this. =/

I got my hair cut today and it's freaking SHORT. Scary short in fact. I didn't have it this short before, but the hairdresser said it's the best length to wear my fine hair. Maybe she's right, but it feels veeeery weird. I'm sure there'll be pictures soon, especially since I'll be in London with crazyfruitlady this weekend and we can never not take photos. Though some pictures will more than likely show me as a green witch with long black hair. We're dressing up as Elphaba/Glinda from Wicked for Halloween! Phoebe can kick me in the butt in RL when I don't reach my daily writing goal! (Don't do it with heels, please? Or your Glinda wand, cause that would just hurt. :|)

Uni is going well, so far. Apart from one crazy lecturer woman in one of my modules, that I hope I won't need to see that often. Otherwiiiiiiiiiiiiiise... Tessa is bringing major life into the house. She's cheeky as hell, and currently in the defiant phase where she tries to break all the rules. It's like educating a child sometimes. Only that I think a child would not bark at you when you tell her 'no'. ... I hope.

Sooo, this was a quick update from me. I hope/think there'll be more during NaNo. Just want to end this post with a little something I found, that gave me a boost. It talks about when you can call yourself a 'real' writer. If there's any fellow doubters out there, take this to heart.

“If you’re writing, you’ve made it. If you’re dreaming of writing, rolling it around in your soul and wondering if that’s the path for you, you’ve made it. Whether you approach your dreams on soft feet or in a breathless run, just so long as you acknowledge that your dreams are valuable and worthy of pursuing, then you’ve made it.” (via Devon Monk @ www.deadlinedames.com)

Have a good rest week. :D Also! Welcome to any new NaNo followers (I twitter too much!) friends. I hope I can be interesting! LOL